Wednesday, March 13, 2013

FOCUS ON THEIR PRESENCE

The primary reason I love to work as a Medium is to help people find relief. We all grieve.  We all feel regret at times. Everyone has someone they miss whether a relative, friend or animal companion. And for most of us - all of the above!

To see the kind of emotional transformations I witness is truly a gift. That doesn't mean it's a Presto! Chango! experience and that after a reading life is rosy and grief disappears.  But experiencing grief, like so many things, is like peeling an onion. Maybe that's why there are tears involved.

What I tell people, and myself, is to focus on the PRESENCE of those you love, rather than on their absence.  Whether you actively see and feel them in your waking life, or in your dreams, or simply experience them in memory, focusing on what you loved about them and your happiest times together feels decidedly better than beating yourself up for anything you can't change.  We can never change what has already happened but we can shift how we look at the past and use the lessons learned to move forward in life creating the kind of relationships we prefer now.

One of my sisters just had a visit from one brother and his wife.  They used to live in the same area and see each other often but now there is greater distance and their visits are rare, and so more precious.  After a wonderful visit Lynne found herself wishing they could see each other more, remembering what that used to be like. It made her a little sad, after such a happy time.  Their PRESENCE made their ABSENCE feel more acute.

She thought about it and realized how grateful she is to see them as often as she does and decided to focus on the blessings in that. Presto! Chango! She felt some relief.

Even as a Medium, with a unique perspective on life after death, I feel my losses acutely at times. I think of grief as a stealth bomb that attacks without warning, generally to my great surprise.  I feel my father and other loved ones with me day to day - deeply ingrained in my psyche.  Sometimes they tap me on the shoulder or tickle my funny bone but mostly they whisper advice or just hang out with me.

Trying to explain why the stealth grief had struck the other day I declared, through tears, "Today I really wish I could sit and talk with my Dad, to see him and hear him the way I used to! He's with me, I know it, but it feels different."

Just as quickly I caught myself laughing.  I have a video I took of him during his last visit to me.  He was strong and vibrant and healthy. We sat and talked; I interviewed him about his life. It was illuminating and great fun for both of us.

I thought the video had been stolen in a burglary and felt bereft all over again at its loss.  One day, months later, the "voices" helped me find it. I made copies and sent it to my family.

I had come across my own unviewed copy the morning the grief-bomb struck.  One of the things my Dad liked to say is "God helps those who help themselves."

I guess it's my turn to take my own advice.  Say it with me now - Focus on Their Presence. Use what's at your disposal - photos, films, cards, letters or simply your memory banks. Appreciate what was. Appreciate what IS. It will raise your "spirits" - I promise!